Hair Love

I had my hair trial the other day and, though I wasn't sure about it at first, I can definitely say now that I am in love!

I knew that I wanted big curls and my hair up, but low on my head. I also wanted some visual interest in the front to avoid just having my hair pulled straight back. That's about all I knew! I brought in a ton of inspiration pictures and let him play!

This is how it turned out!

Keep in mind that we didn't use rollers or too much product, since this was just a trial!

I love love love how it looks from the back and the side!

With my birdcage and earrings!


And with my shoulder-length veil!

I plan on asking him to make the curl on the left side of my head start a little further back, but other than that, I think it's perfect!

Did you get the perfect wedding hair on your first trial?

A Bee's Life: Star in the Spotlight

How I got started blogging:

I totally used to be one of those fourteen-year-old girls who had a livejournal account with dozens of silly entries talking about everything from the boy I liked at the time to the poetry I'd been working on. So it makes perfect, logical sense for me to have an inner blogger that was just waiting to emerge! It's only shocking to me how long it took for me to really discover the world of blogging as a grown-up!

I started my personal blog, Diary of a Manhattan Actress, about a year and a half ago, right after we moved into New York City. Mr. Star was working a lot and I was making a concerted effort to explore the city as much as possible. I saw some crazy things and often wished that I had more people to share them with who would understand my passion for the city. I also loved sharing some of the wacky experiences that you inevitably have when you're working as a NY actress! 

Why I decided to apply to Weddingbee:

I had been reading Weddingbee and yearning to become a Bee blogger for months. I commented on posts and board threads every now and again, but mostly tried to keep my mouth shut, for fear of giving away any of our wedding details in the unlikely event that I became a Bee! I kept talking about applying, but was always too afraid to try. Plus, I didn't even have a wedding blog to show for myself at this point! 

Finally, Pengy posted about the new generation of Weather Bee icons that were being unveiled and this just about pushed me over the edge. I wanted to be Miss Star SO BAD! I mean, how perfect was that icon for me? And yet, I still just pined to be a Bee for days and kept whining to Mr. Star about it. Finally, he turned to me and said, "You have GOT to apply. I don't know why you don't think you'd get accepted, but I know you're never going to be satisfied unless you blog for Weddingbee, so do it!" He knows me so well. I probably never would have gotten over my fear of being rejected without him pushing me to write and encouraging me when I felt like no one would want to hear about our wedding. So I started a whole new blog and wrote about what I felt like were some of the more interesting and unique parts of our wedding.

Why I got picked to be a Bee (umm, I think...):

Besides Mr. Star's encouragement, there are a few reasons why I think I am now a Bee. One, I had good timing. I knew that there had been a lot of recent Bee weddings and that the time was ripe for applying. Two, I knew what was potentially interesting and unique about our wedding and how to sell it. I was really worried that because our wedding is in New York and Mrs. Swan was already writing about her New York wedding, that we wouldn't have a unique enough perspective to offer. So in my application I emphasized a few things: 

• How young I am and how I thought younger brides didn't have enough representation on the blog!
  
• Our willingness to really let the wedding represent us, even if it meant doing something totally different like getting married in a theater
  
• The fact that our wedding is being done relatively affordably in a major metropolitan area
  
• How much Weddingbee has been an emotional support system for me and that I want to help pass that on to other frazzled brides

Those were the things that I thought were my strongest suits as a potential Miss Blogger and I was ready to sell, sell, sell!

I've also found from the several Bees I've met in person that they are exactly how you would expect them to be in real life. I think that's an indication that Bees are really great at letting their individual voices come out in their posts! I try to always write how I would talk, even if it makes me sound a little goofy or spazzy sometimes!

Why Miss Star?:

I guess it's probably pretty obvious by now why I would choose "Miss Star" as the cover for my top-secret identity :) I thought it was too perfect to pass up, although I was initially a little torn between Star and Cavalier, since we have our little Cavalier pup! I was also secretly hoping that the obvious perfection of the nickname Star would help me get picked, although I now know that had nothing to do with it!

What the experience has been like:

I love sharing the ups and downs of wedding planning with such an immensely supportive group of ladies (with a few guys thrown in for good measure!). And when even just one bride comments on one of my posts saying that she's inspired to try a craft project I've shown or that I've made her feel so much better about being a young-ish bride, it makes all the time and effort spent worth every second!

Blogging for Weddingbee has become one of my favorite things to do (what am I going to do after recaps??) and being a part of this community has taught me how to be such a much better bride and wedding guest alike! I have learned how to be so much less judgemental about people's choices and have even made some really special internet friends :) A year ago, I would have scoffed at people who had made friends they met on the internet, but now I'm happy to say that I have lots of them and don't regret it for a second!

Honoring our Gay Friends

During the process of writing our own ceremony, I've come up against a few logistical issues that have me stumped. One of these is how to acknowledge our many gay friends and our appreciation for their support of an institution that they are not yet allowed to partake in.

(Photo Credit)

You see, like many others, we have a lot of very special people in our lives who are homosexual. And marriage equality has become an issue that has meant a lot to me in recent years -- Mr. Star and I have participated in many rallies and marches in support of our friends. In fact, when we go to the marriage bureau to apply for our marriage license, it will be bittersweet for us. Sweet, because we will be thrilled to be getting one step closer to being married. Bitter, because the last time we were there was during a protest that many had hoped would change things for the better in New York State.

Most of our family and friends feels as we do, but we do have a few family members who do not. I'm straddling the line between being true to our beliefs and our values on our wedding day and not offending those who don't agree. I want to make our wedding ceremony about us and what we believe, but I'm trying not to be an inconsiderate bride, as well. The line is narrow, indeed.

I'd also love to hear from anyone with the perspective of having been at a wedding when you yourself were not allowed to get married -- would you find a mention of it thoughtful or offensive? I'm just trying to get some feedback about what people think the best way to honor our friends and our beliefs is.

The way I see it, we have one of a few options.

1. Have one of our friends do a reading about it during the ceremony. Something like a short excerpt from the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, maybe? Any better ideas?
   
2. Have my stepfather make a short, slightly-veiled reference to everyone being able to marry whomever they choose sometime during the marriage address
   
3. Don't mention it out loud at all and just put a note in the program
   
4. Include it in a toast at the reception and leave it out of the ceremony altogether
5. Avoid the issue and don't mention it at all

If marriage equality is an important issue to you, how have you come up with ways to honor it in your own wedding?

The Best Bridesmaid Gift Ever...

... is not making them dress like this:

(Photo Credit)

Okay, Star Bridesmaids! This is your cue to skedaddle if you happen to be reading today. 

Peace. Sayonara. Hasta la vista. Ciao.

So I figured I should probably get them a little something other than a considerate dress choice, since I love them all so much. :)

They've each done a lot of DIY project pitching-in, emotional consolation, or organizational legwork throughout the course of a two-year engagement. They are some rockin' ladies.

First, I wanted to get them clutches that looked like they went together, but weren't too matchy-matchy. I also wanted my ladies to be able to use them post- wedding! I discovered that (once again), my criteria made it tough to find them in stores, so I turned to my trusty standby: Etsy, of course!

I put out another alchemy request for five bridesmaid clutches that were coordinating, but still fit the individual personalities of each of my ladies, and this is what I ended up with:

They. Are. Gorgeous. Seriously, this picture doesn't do them justice. In person, the fabric is so luxurious and they are just beautiful. When I got them in the mail, I really wanted to keep one. I had them made with the accent color in a bold version of a color that I know each lady loves. Fairy Bridesmaid, for example, has always loved yellow, so her clutch has a pop of yellow.

But I also wanted to give them something more personal that came from my heart. So I wrote each of them sonnets (yes, in verse! see, that theatre degree DOES come in handy!) on coordinating cardstock and using my new found calligraphy skillz!

I love how fun they all look together:

And then I new I wanted to wrap everything up in an adorable little package, because I know that sometimes a beautiful package is almost as much fun as the gift itself.

So I trolled the dollar store (it's Jack's 99 cent store here in NYC) for weeks until they put these gorgeous black and white damask bags out and I snatched up five of them. Score! I splurged on some expensive scalloped pink tissue paper and found some adorable pink christmas ornaments that say "bridesmaid" on them to hang on the outside of the bags. I'm thinking about trying to personalize the ornaments by writing their names on them, but I'm not sure how to do it yet on a glazed ceramic ornament. Ideas are welcome!

Altogether, the packing looks like this:

I can't WAIT to give these to my girls. Not only do I love their clutches, but the whole package will look so cute and I spent some mucho time on writing a whole sonnet about each of my girls and making it pretty with calligraphy! I love gifts, both giving and receiving, and I think I'm more excited about giving these to my girls than they are about finding out what they are!

What are you giving your girls to thank them? Did you make them, buy them, or a combination of both?

Stepfather = Officiant

Well, it's official: my Stepfather is legally allowed to marry people in the city and state of New York!

Yep, you heard that right, my Stepfather is going to be our wedding officiant!

How did this come about, you may wonder? Well, as many of you may know, it can be pretty tough planning a wedding when you have divorced and remarried parents. Don't get me wrong, I love my stepparents. I always say, why would I be upset to have four parents who love me instead of just two? However, wedding traditions can get a bit sticky when your family tree is anything but tall and straight.

It's even tougher (and also more awesome!) when your Stepfather has been around since you were 15 and has become a major parental figure in your life. Who walks you down the aisle? Who dances with you? Who contributes financially? It's all very complicated.

I tossed around various ideas for months: maybe they could each walk me down the aisle halfway? Maybe one could do the aisle and one could do the dance? Maybe I could walk down the aisle with my mom or by myself and avoid the issue altogether? Nothing seemed right.

One day, an idea dawned on me as I remembered a story my Stepfather once told me about getting himself registered to be a minister with the Universal Life Church way back in the 70's on a lark. For those of you who don't know, anyone can register with the ULC online in order to perform wedding ceremonies. It was how Joey was able to marry Monica and Chandler on Friends, for those of us Friends nerds out there.

(Photo Credit)

The laws on whether or not ULC ordained ministers can legally perform wedding ceremonies vary widely from state to state, but most accept it no problem and almost all accept it with a little bit of legwork. I did some research on New York State laws and most sources I came across said it wasn't difficult at all, except in New York City -- of course! I was really discouraged by what I read about how strict NYC is about registering officiants, but I am here to tell you it really wasn't difficult at all!

If you are getting married in NYC and want the person of your choice to be able to marry you, all you have to do is:

1. Go to this site and register them with the ULC

2. Then visit the NYC Marriage Bureau site to fill out an online application and print the signature page; have your officiant sign it

3. Within three weeks, mail to the office the following required paperwork at 141 Worth St, NY, NY 10003:

• signed signature page
• $15 check for the NYC registration fee
• all the paperwork the ULC sends you -- ordination certificate, verification letter, and copy of church's articles of incorporation
• and a photocopy of the officiant's driver's license

And voila! Your friend/family member/college roommate is legally allowed to officiate your civil ceremony!

(Photo Credit)

For us, this is really exciting. We aren't aligned with a particular faith, so we were having a hard time choosing an officiant in the first place. This allows us to have someone really meaningful to us do the marrying! It also gives my Stepfather a role of honor in our big day. And it saved us about $250-300 just by not having to hire an officiant (dress money, hello?)! Possibly the coolest part is that it means we get to write our whole ceremony from start to finish to be exactly what we want it to be. Of course, the downside is that we get to write our whole ceremony! It's been pretty overwhelming working on it, but I know it will be so incredibly rewarding when it's all finished.

Who is marrying you? Will your officiant have special meaning to you? Would you consider having someone special to you do the honors?

First Dance Frenzy

So, up until a few weeks ago, if you'd asked me or Mr. Star what our first dance was, we would have each answered quickly and confidently, "Everything by Lifehouse." It's been one of "our songs" for nearly as long as we've been dating and has a very special place in our hearts. It was actually one of the very first wedding decisions we made! We didn't even really have to discuss it, it was just a given. Lifehouse has always been a band that had a lot of meaning for us, since we used to take naps (hey, naps are obligatory to graduate college) listening to their music and we saw them live on our first anniversary -- I even caught the bassist's pick!

For those of you who don't know the song, since it isn't one of their most popular, here it is:

Then, a couple of weeks ago, Mr. Star and I were working on the rest of our reception music so that we could give a list of ideas to our friend who is also a professional DJ and will be our music friendor. Basically, we scrolled through both of our extensive music collections in iTunes and tried to fill in all the blanks for things such as "cake cutting music" or "entrance music," things I would have never dreamed of caring about until we started planning this whole shindig (doesn't that sound familiar?). 

All of a sudden "Time of My Life" from the movie Dirty Dancing came on. 

What a fun tune, right? We were trying and trying to figure out where to fit this awesome song into our playlist when Mr. Star turned to me and said, "what if we did a choreographed dance to this song?" We had been planning on having our extraordinarily talented chorepgrapher friend teach us a little something so that we could slow dance with style to "Everything," but how much more fun would an upbeat song be? We went back and forth for a few minutes because Lifehouse means so much to us, but decided in the end that "Time of My Life" would make such a great statement as the kick-off to our totally fun party. So the decision was made. Our awesome friend Whitney has been teaching us how to rumba and cha-cha and now we're totally looking forward to the fun we're going to have during our first dance. And it's all good, because I'm still walking down the aisle to a different Lifehouse tune. More on that later ;)

I thought our first dance song was the easiest wedding decision we made, but then we had to go a-changin' things up! Was your first dance song an easy pick?

Adventures of a Young-ish Bride, Growing Up TOGETHER

One of the most common arguments against getting married at our age that I've come against is the belief that we will eventually grow apart. Is this a possibility? For sure. But isn't it always, no matter your age?

Reader Veil Tales was kind enough to send me this Washington Post article, which refreshingly argues in favor of young marriage. One of my favorite parts of the article states:

But what really matters for making marriage happen and then making it good are not matches, but mentalities: such things as persistent and honest communication, conflict-resolution skills, the ability to handle the cyclical nature of so much of marriage, and a bedrock commitment to the very unity of the thing. I've met 18-year-olds who can handle it and 45-year-olds who can't.

True enough.

Mr. Star and I have had a deep and intense connection that neither of us can fully explain ever since the very beginning of our relationship, but we both know that it will take more than that to keep a (hopefully!) 60 or 70 year relationship running. We know and expect that as people and as a unit we will change as we age and continue to "grow up," so to speak. Of course, this is true of any couple, no matter their age, but it's especially important for young-ish couples to accept and work with. These are some of the things that have worked for us so far:

Actively taking the time to talk and "check in" : One of the best things we do for our relationship is making sure we have the time to have truly meaningful conversations with each other, whether it be about how we want to raise our kids or what our goals for the next six months are or how we feel like our relationship has been over the past few weeks. We usually do this in bed before we fall asleep or we walk around the city at night holding hands (the hand-holding is crucial!) and bare our souls. I think a lot of couples do this, no matter their age, especially at the beginning of a relationship. The key part for us has been making sure we continue to make the time, as three years in, sometimes it's easy to let the daily grind take over and leave you disconnected as a couple.

Creating rituals together : A really big part of growing together for us has been the process of creating "rituals" together that keep us connected and give us stories and inside jokes. Some of the most important of these rituals that we have created center around the holidays traditions that we have worked to create for the Star household. We each had our own traditions with our own families, but we have been working to pick and choose from those family traditions and add in some new things to create special holiday rituals of our own that are special to us. Another way we do this can be seen more in the day-to-day: for instance, Mr. Star always makes it a point to come meet me at the subway station whenever I'm coming home from a rehearsal or work late at night. This gives us a chance to spend time together and gives us a little "tradition" of our own. It's things like this that we feel deepen our bond.

Finding a happy place : Sometimes the stress of it our hectic lives gets the best of us and we just need a place to go chill and get back to what's important. To some people, this might be the top of a mountain, to others it might be church, but to us, it's the lawn in Bryant Park after dark. We love lying down in the middle of the park together at night; for some reason, it always centers us. This is our happy place:

(Photo Credit)

Relationship reading : Knowing that we're young and that we still have a lot to figure out, we've taken some active steps to creating a healthy and lasting relationship. One of these has been to read some books on relationships together, which we think has really helped us. We've taken some concrete steps to improve our relationship because of them, but our favorite part about doing this has been the conversations that the books have sparked! One of the best ones we've read so far has been The Five Love Languages, already reviewed in-depth by Miss Duckling!

Sharing a common thread : For us, the major common interest we share is the showbiz industry. Even if we don't both work in it forever, I know it will always be something we can talk about and relate on. For many couples, their common thread isn't work-related, it just so happens to be with us. Otherwise, we're total opposites! It's nice to at least have something that binds us, other than love, of course!

Commitment to making it work : This is something that I've struggled with myself, which I think is (at least partially, I know well enough to take some of the credit for myself!) fallout from being a child of divorce. But I think this is one of, if not THE key factor in marriages that really last. Mr. Star is admirably unwavering in his commitment to being with me absolutely, no matter what, 100%. He is my example of how you should approach your marriage in this regard and I have learned a lot from him. Not that I ever thought, "oh well, this isn't a permanent thing," but sometimes I am stricken with fear at the possibility that we won't always want to be together, but the thing is, it's a choice. And we both choose to be together. Forever.

Exploring the world together : One of my favorite things about being a young-ish couple is that we are getting to have so many "firsts" together. Our honeymoon will be Mr. Star's first trip overseas, for example. Our first apartment together was our first time living away from our parents and outside of a dorm. Mr. Star has tried so many new ethnic foods with me and I attended my first real rock concert with him. You can't buy that kind of lifelong foundation.

Creating a family : Even though we don't have kids yet (and aren't ready for them for at least several years), we consider ourselves a family. We have Puppy Star and Kitty Star who we spoil like children and we all treat each other like a family unit. I think having pets has really cemented for us the fact that we're not just a loving boyfriend and girlfriend anymore, we are a family. That also gives us strength.

Teaching each other about relationships : There's always more to learn about each other and about how to be better partners. We both have taught each other a great deal in our three years together. Mr. Star has taught me how to be more selfless and how to enjoy the present moment more, just as an example, and we continue to teach each other how to be better people every day. In the article I mentioned previously, the author makes another really great point:

Marriage actually works best as a formative institution, not an institution you enter once you think you're fully formed. We learn marriage, just as we learn language, and to the teachable, some lessons just come easier earlier in life.

So he's comparing learning about marriage to something like learning a foreign language -- it's A LOT easier when you start younger. Point two for us! :)

Encourage the other's interests : Rather than stifling each other's interests, we each try to take interest in them. Even if I don't want to watch football every weekend, I know his favorite player. And even if Mr. Star doesn't know much about dog training, he still cheers me and Puppy Star on when we learn a new trick. I think this is especially important for young-ish couples because a lot of times we don't know exactly who we are and what we want out of life at 23, so it's extra crucial that we allow ourselves and our partners the chance to figure all of that stuff out.

A lot of these things might seem obvious. And sure, to a lot of people they are. But they weren't always obvious to us and they're not things that either of us have had in previous relationships. And sure, they apply to couples of all ages. But I think it's especially important for young-ish couples who may not have had as much life and relationship experience to keep them in mind. And sometimes us young-ish couples have to try a little extra hard to overcome the natural selfishness and naivete of being in our early 20's (nobody likes you when you're 23, anyone?).

We have already changed so much since we first fell in love: we've gone from sharing a dorm room to living in Manhattan and chasing our dreams, we've gone from bonding over a mutual hatred of cafeteria food to learning how to cook for ourselves and each other, we've gone from writing love notes during class to popping off the subway a stop early to visit each other at work. So much has changed for the better and for the more complicated (as transitioning into adulthood is prone to cause), but we are nothing but more connected and more of a team. We have already weathered many difficult storms, and I know that we will continue to weather what is to come.

How do you and your fiance make the effort to grow together?