Our fabulous friends sang this song for us, please play it as you read this post if you can:
Now Kate and Dan would like to invite two very important people in their lives to sing a song together that elucidates the feelings Kate and Dan have for each other, "Come What May."
And two of our favorite people in the world, my Maid of Honor and Opera Groomsman, took the stage:
We watched, humbled by the talent and generosity of our friends.
And overwhelmed by the beauty of the music.
Mr. Star whispered along with the song in my ear, which was just about the most romantic thing EVER:
After their lovely performance, there was only one thing left to do...
Final Blessing
As the Apache Wedding Blessing declares:
Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter to the other;
Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be the warmth to the other;
Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be the companion to the other;
Now you are two persons, but there is one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place to enter into the days of your togetherness,
And may your days be good and long upon the earth.
And now, by the power vested in me by the City and State of New York, It gives me great joy to pronounce you husband and wife.
We were a little excited to hear those words:
You may kiss the bride!
We were married (and still hadn't stopped holding hands, haha!) !
Our celebratory song came on and everyone was all smiles and ready for pictures! Wanna find out what fun song we chose as okay-we-seriously-just-got-married-and-this-rocks song? Wanna see our group picture of everyone who was at our wedding (I promise, it's pretty awesome!)? Stay tuned, we've still got a whole lot more Star Wedding to go! ;)
Well, folks, we've now come to my favorite part of our wedding ceremony: the promises and the bling. Since we both decided to write our own vows independently and not share them until the big day, the thing I was most looking forward to (even more than drinking wine and eating chocolate!) was hearing what Mr. Star had written as his marital promises. And let me tell you, the man did not disappoint.
Now I am not a crier. I did not expect to cry. I did not expect to chuckle. But he made me and everyone else who was there do both.
I made cute little booklets in about five minutes just so we wouldn't be reading from ugly scraps of paper. You have no idea how hard it is to make vows you're not allowed to read into a pretty booklet!
Even our bridesmaids looked on with anticipation:
And my Stepdad introduced the vows section with flair:
Vows
The secret of a loving marriage is in the emergence of a larger self. It’s the finding of one’s life by losing it. Such is the privilege of two people as they make their vows to each other, facing the world strong with the strength of two, wise with the wisdom of two, and brave with the bravery of two.
Kate and Dan have put a great deal of thought and feeling into what they wish to say to each other today. They appreciate the depth and power of the words they are about to share with each other and strive to work towards fulfilling their vows each and every day.
Groom
I was told early in our relationship that we would either go through a severely horrible break up or end up married…. As this is our wedding, I guess my 50/50 chance ended on the right note.
Yes we have our differences..
You planned the whole wedding, I washed the dog.
You like fine dining, I like pigs in a blanket.
I love you, You love your dress.
He got quite the chuckle on that one from everyone there :)
But what others see as differences, I see as more of a balance and I vow to you these things to balance out our life-long exploration together:
From that point on, I was all serious and stuff trying to absorb every single word that he said.
Even the groomsmen were listening, that's how you KNOW it was serious!
I promise to always listen and trust what you say. Be it after a long day of work or at 3 in the morning after a nightmare, I will always listen to what is on your mind. I love hearing you and it is my vow that I will always listen to you and try and see things from your side. You have views and experiences that I don’t, and listening to you teaches me something everyday. We both make this relationship work and it is both of our voices that bring us together.
I promise to always take care of you and be at your side. Whether it is making you coffee every morning to help you get through the day, or being there for you through loss, I will always be there to take care of you. I promise to make you feel safe, loved, and always taken care of. We have made it through the good and bad, and I am very aware that there are plenty more to come. I have always told you that I am not going anywhere and I promise you that will always remain true.
I promise to always be honest with you. I am a man afraid of letting down the ones he loves and disappointing them and I am aware that I have a very hard time admitting my mistakes. It is my promise to you that I will always share my successes and disappointments with you. I vow to share everything I am with you and overcome my fears, as there should never be anything to fear as long as I have you.
I promise to always make you laugh and to help you appreciate living in the moment. I know your quirks as well as you know mine and I know that life can be difficult. It is my vow that through the good and the bad I will help you to laugh, to love, and to live in the moment from time to time, as life throws many curveballs and who knows what tomorrow will bring.
I will always love you and I will live through today so that I can be with you tomorrow.
Then it was my turn:
Bride
Dan, you soften my sharp edges.
You hoist me on your shoulders when I can’t quite reach, and you calm my strained nerves after a day of struggling at auditions.
You have shown me what it is to truly love a man and you continually push me to be a better partner.
You are my strength when I am weak, and being held in your arms brings me more peace than I’ve ever found on this earth.
I vow:
To love you and no other, that we may happily grow up and grow old together
To encourage your dreams, that you may seem them realized
To hug, kiss, and touch you every day, that you may always be reminded of my love
To celebrate your triumphs and learn from your failures, that they may become ours
To become a part of your family and welcome you into mine, that our people may be each other’s people
To continually work to grow together, that we may never grow apart
To strive to the be best wife I can be, that I may always deserve the husband you will be
To explore the wide world with you, that we may each expand our experiences and perspectives together
To embrace our differences, that we may continue to complete each other
By this last line, I had totally lost it -- teary, red eyes and a voice cracking with emotion and all:
As William Butler Yeats said, “I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.”
And then it was time for some bling!
Rings
The exchanging of wedding rings is a practice that dates all the way back to the Ancient Egyptians. Like the men and women who have gone before you for thousands of years, may these rings be a symbol of the strength and power of your love.
Wedding rings are circles, like an unbroken circle of love that has no beginning and no end. May these rings always remind you of a love that continues to give and take forever.
When you are apart, the days can seem long and lonely. May these rings serve to remind you with only a quick glance down at your hands that you are never truly alone.
We each wrote these next little ring exchange bits ourselves and made sure to memorize them so we could speak and fumble with our new jewelry at the same time! Mr. Star kept mixing up his words when we were learning them, but don't worry, Drill Sergeant Star worked that all out ;)
Exchange
Groom: Kate, home is where the heart is and may this ring remind you that I am never far away. It is a symbol that I give everything I am to you. Through the ups and the downs may this ring warm your heart knowing that I will always remain at your side.
Bride: Dan, this ring will be your daily reminder of the strength and beauty of the deep connection we share. It tells you and the world that I choose you to be my lover, my partner, and my greatest champion for today, tomorrow, and always.
With the really important stuff out of the way (promises and sparkle, promises and sparkle), we just had a song sung by our lovely friends left to go and then, we're officially married! One more ceremony post left and then we're ready for our parade and subway ride!
Did you or are you planning to write your own vows?
After the very moving Circle of Love, we made our way back up onstage and continued on to what would be considered the "marriage address," in traditional ceremony terms.
What it really was for us was a short section written mostly by Momma Star and my Stepdad about what marriage meant to them, and it included a reading from Madeleine L'Engle that I really wanted to incorporate.
Marriage Address
Kate and Dan have put a lot of thought into what marriage means to them, which is what makes this particular wedding ceremony so unusual and personal.I did the same thing when I married Kate’s mother 5 years ago.It took a lifetime for me to realize how important it was to think through your own expectations for marriage before taking that step.It’s remarkable to see it in two people as young as Kate and Dan.
They have asked me to read to you this excerpt from Madeleine L’Engle’s “The Irrational Season.”
“Ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take.
It is indeed a fearful gamble. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together, we become a new creature.
To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take. If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation.
It takes a lifetime to learn another person. When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected.”
Kate and Dan are taking that biggest risk today.With courage and determination, they are stepping into a lifetime of learning each other.They remain Kate and Dan, and yet they become something entirely new, something they don’t even know yet because it’s theirs to create, nurture, and explore.
I loved that quote because 1. Who doesn't love Madeleine L'Engle (come on, A Wrinkle in Time, anyone?) and 2. Especially as a child of divorce, I didn't want to gloss over the great risk involved in choosing to form a marriage and how much courage it takes to truly be a good life partner.
Then it was time for our second reading by my wonderful Godmother, the lady who taught me how to love crafting and making things. We were also honored that she spoke at the wedding for us, since when I asked her she was initially terrified and also overcame it to make us happy. I couldn't help but smile when I found out that, even though we had provided copies of the readings for everyone, she had come prepared with not one, but TWO decorated copies of her reading, complete with scrapbook stickers to liven it up on the inside, where only she and I could see :)
Kate and Dan would like to invite one of Kate’s favorite people to speak.
Kate’s godmother has devoted much of her life to Kate’s happiness, particularly in guiding her creativity and artistic nature.Kate and Dan think it’s fitting that she lighten the mood a bit with this reading.
We felt like this next reading was particularly appropriate for two tradition-bucking showbiz-lovers with big dreams. It's also an awesomely uplifting tale about how life sometimes really sucks, but you always come out on top in the end! We cut a few short stanzas and re-arranged a couple of words to make it appropriate for a couple, but it's mostly unaltered.
Reading #2 – Oh, The Places You’ll Go! By Dr. Seuss
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’ll look up and down streets. Look ‘em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
You’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.
And you may not find any
you’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you’ll head straight out of town.
Out there things can happen
And frequently do
To people as brainy
And footsy as you
And when things start to happen,
Don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along.
You’ll start happening too.
OH!
THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!
You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
Who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.
I’m sorry to say so
But, sadly, it’s true
That Bang-ups
And Hang-ups
Can happen to you.
You can get all hung up
In a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You’ll be left in a Lurch.
You’ll come down from the Lurch
With an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
That you’ll be in a Slump.
And when you’re in a Slump,
You’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
Is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?
You can get so confused
That you’ll start in to race
Down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
And grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
Headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…
..for people just waiting…
Waiting for fish to bite--
NO!
That’s not you!
Somehow you’ll escape
All that waiting and staying
Once more you’ll ride high!
You’re ready for anything under the sky.
Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be,
With the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don’t
Because, sometimes they won’t.
I’m afraid that sometimes
You’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win
‘cause you’ll play against you.
And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance
You’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
That can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.
But on you will go
Though the weather be foul.
On you will go
Though your enemies prowl.
On and on you will hike,
And I know you’ll hike far
And face up to your problems
Whatever they are.
You’ll get mixed up, of course,
As you already know.
You’ll get mixed up
With many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
And remember that Life’s
A Great Balancing Act.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
You’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So get on your way!
Not everyone's wedding is cool enough to incorporate Dr. Seuss, right? Right.
The next part of the ceremony would usually be the unity candle lighting, but since you're legally not allowed to have open flames in theaters and I really wanted something a bit more non-traditional anyways, I did the logical thing to do: steal an idea from a previous Bee, of course! I was reading through Weddingbee archives one day when I came across Mrs. Lovebug, whose posts were unfortunately before my time here, but I immediately dug her style and in particular, fell in love with what she wrote for her "wine and chocolate ritual." I used her words as a jumping off point and wrote what I felt about the future good times and bad times that our marriage will experience.
Play this song as you read the rest of the post, if you feel inclined:
Wine and Chocolate Ritual
In any good marriage, as in life, there will be days filled with happiness and days filled with grief. In acceptance of this, today you will share the bitter and the sweet in the form of wine and chocolate, and let them serve as a reminder that both bitter and sweet bring the opportunity to deepen your bond as husband and wife.
As you drink this wine, let it symbolize the bitterness of life that you will endure together. There will be days filled with innumerable struggles and unavoidable pain, days that will shake your foundation and test the strength of your marriage. During these times, turn to each other for comfort and let the triumph over dark days and bitterness bring you closer than ever.
And taste of this chocolate, which symbolizes the sweetness of life. Let it stand for the days when joy radiates effortlessly from and between you both – days like this one, the “opening nights” of your life – your first big promotion or the day your newborn child is placed gently into your arms. Let your good fortune and the rewards of a job well done delight you both while you celebrate together as husband and wife.
Have you noticed that we haven't stopped holding hands since the ceremony started? Yeah, we were pretty happy to be together, alright.
Ready for our vows next? Let me tell you, my guy's a keeper. And I'm totally gonna cry.
